Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Brigadier-Chapter 1:Skyflight

Alongside my comic, I have decided that I will write a story. Creative criticism is appreciated!


Chapter 1:

The cabin was to hot to sleep in. Much to hot. Carson tossed and turned, finally jolting awake. He narrowly avoided crashing his head on the bunk above him, the frame slightly sagging from Jerson, who was snoring soundly over head. He reached over to his watch. 4:00. He still had enough time before The Call to get a little exercise done. Grabbing his uniform, he slid the shirt and pants on, sans jacket. He wouldn't need it today, as it was mid-summer, and an especially hot day at that. Grabbing his cap on the way out , he only paused to shut the door quietly. Turning down the crews quarters hallway, he turned right past an ornately decorated wooden corner. His eyes locked with the wooden eagle only for a moment, and he found himself with a foreboding sense of dread. Shaking it off, he walked down the observation hall, and glanced out at the beautiful Argavion boreal forest beneath, with the sun rising in the back-ground. Before "The Crimson" had been fitted for The War, it had been one of the most luxurious liners to grace Mersania. There were still signs of that now, even if there were gatlin guns instead of vacationers, and rations in place of fine lobster dinners. As he walked past the 5th window on the deck, something in the distance caught his eye. There was something behind a cloud cover, about 37 meters to the side. Carson stared at the ominous shadow, before a section of it pulled out of the clouds. It was a tail-fin with the logo of a dragon on it. Taimaners! he thought, dashing to were the alarm bell was situated. Grabbing at it, he pulled with all his strength, sending the bells at the top of the ship screaming. He dashed in the direction of the armory, to prepare for the battle.

Hope you liked it!

3 comments:

Tracer Bullet said...

Good so far although it's more of an intro than an entire chapter. I understand that it's set in the age of muskets and black powder but give a little more detail on the exact time and place. Other than that it's realy good.

Leah said...

You're a really good writer. I think that you should totally keep it up!

Nathaniel said...

I must agree that it is short. I think if you put in about a weeks worth of work into each part, it will be more connected, and longer. Maybe spend half an hour a day, and do editing. Other than that, I find this really good.